I was going to start with a word count limit, but I saw a note posted by Tom Kuegler that stuck with me. It was a prompt to write a letter to your younger self.
Where do I start? What do I say to her?
One letter turned into multiple; I needed to spend time with different parts of my life. While there is a little crossover, they all needed to hear different things~
I decided to start from the beginning.
Hey, little me.
Don’t stop drawing. Always talk about what you like. Never stop dreaming about the world around you.
Keep tracing the coloring pages on printer paper: you're teaching yourself the basics and never knew it.
Stare at flowers and the trees and don't be afraid to take pictures. Seasonal allergies stink, but don't let it stop you from smelling flowers and rolling in the grass.
Enjoy snow and all the fun that comes with it. Ask Mom to make you snowcream.
Give Brutus* so many pets when you see him. He's such a good boy.
*Brutus was a Great Pyrenees my grandparents had. I loved him so much.
Hey, little emo me (cringe, I know, but I love that about you)
One day you'll have some really cool tattoos* and you'll get an art degree. You also love writing so much you figure out how to fit in your own English minor. Talk about impressive. The characters you started writing about? You're still writing about them today and have so many amazing email chains.
Also, take photos of our house. I wish I had more of them.
I still listen to MCR* and Cage the Elephant, but it's mostly indie pop now. So, emo in the lyrical sense. You're going to love: Billie Eilish, Wallows, Joji, and Hozier.
The horse posters on your wall don't stick around, but you watch Brokeback Mountain in college and nearly circle back into horsegirl territory. It's just fixating on cowboys and cowgirls instead. Speaking of which, you should keep that horse encyclopedia.
The boy we started dating…he's a nice guy but listen to your gut the first time things don't seem like a good fit. The friends we have now...only one will stick around. You'll get your heart broken but you have so many people around you to love you even more. That makes it all worth it.
Go to that place near IHOP again, it closes when you go to college.
Start being confident early, and be courageous with new things. IB classes are no joke, but take as many art classes as you can. Test scores aren't everything – being happy is everything.
Also, you can come out to Mom. She's not going to react how you think. (Spoiler: She gets you a tattoo for your 18th birthday)
*I'm not done getting tattoos yet
*I still wear the same HotTopic shirts
Hey, college freshmen me,
College is going to be the best time of your life. There are going to be some challenges. You're going to have some professors you don't like, you're going to be home for a semester because of a tragedy, and then a global pandemic happens.
You have a dog, and she's your whole world. You get her paw print tattooed on your back and she's changed your life.
You make lifelong friends here, and they love you like they've known you forever, and you love them just as much. You go through so many life changes together and wouldn't change it for the world if it means they're in your life.
Your art is valuable and as long as you try hard, that's what counts.
You get to work at an art gallery on campus with a lovely group of people in the Art and English departments. You even get to see your work on the walls - twice! It’s one of the best work experiences ever, even though all the other branches in the building end up ignoring The Gallery.
Thanks for quitting vaping and getting into anime.
You will grow into your truest self here, and it’s what you’ve needed all along.
Hey, 2022 me,
Graduation wasn’t what you expected but that’s okay. College itself wasn’t predictable, so it was fitting. Now, months later, your heart is in pieces and you didn't deserve it. Breakups are hard and you never expected that it would happen to you. Cry as much as you need to; all your friends are here for you. It was almost a decade…that’s nothing to brush over.
You won't believe how much you grow from here. You take your happiness into your hands now and are better for it.
You made the right decision.
You’ll live with a friend for a month, and then with Mom for a bit, but you do find the place you need to be.
We get an apartment with an amazing friend we meet at work. You are promptly introduced to many movies and shows you’ve never watched. You'll see the extended Hobbit/LOTR movies, Phantom of the Opera, Black Sails, Hell on Wheels, Spartacus, Reefer Madness, Garage Days, Rent, and Game of Thrones. (That's not all, but it essentially covers all the bases)
Coffee shops are your solo dates, and you get 90% over your driving anxiety. You’ll see to see friends almost every month. The Barbie movie will change your life, but so will Madeline Miller’s “Song of Achilles.”
You are stronger than you know.
All signed:
I’m so lucky for everything you taught me. Nothing has changed our capacity to love and seek joy. I love you.
— Me